My name is Emily and I am 31 years old. It wasn't hard for me to make this decision. And I figured, either way, it was going to work, or it was going to land me in the ER.
About 3 years ago, while my then fiance was on a fishing trip, I was in our bedroom watching Parking Wars. I think it's odd that I remember that, but every time I have an attack, I think of the show.
Anyways. It was about 9pm, I was laying in bed watching PW, and I felt like I was in the beginning stages of some sort of heartburn, so I chewed some chalkey Tums and settled back in. The pain began growing and spreading, until I was to the point where I couldn't lay down, I couldn't sit up, I couldn't stand/walk around without intense, extreme pain in my stomach. And not like my belly stomach, but like my actual stomach, which is located just under your rib cage.
I began Googling out of desperation. Heartburn remedies. I guzzled milk from the carton. I downed baking soda and water trying to kill the 'acid' feeling that was eating away at my insides. I paced the house and debated whether I should call 911 or not at 10:30pm. Finally, I put a heating pad on my back and laid down in bed. I prayed and made deals with God to help me. Then the pain subsided. It was done. And I didn't think about it again.
Fast forward three years later.
January 2015. My hubby has just come home from an ice fishing trip. I spent the entire weekend surviving on ice cream and beer. No, for real.
We didn't feel like making anything for dinner, so I suggested Casey's pizza. I placed the phone order, and waiting the 25 minutes to go pick it up. I felt like I was getting heartburn. Heartburn isn't a new thing It's something that has randomly occurred since I was 15 years old. I don't get it a lot, but when I do, I generally can anticipate and block it.
As I drove to the gas station to get it, my discomfort rose. It built to the point of me grabbing Tums and Rolaids while I was there and chewing on them desperately in the parking lot. As I made the three minute drive home, it got worse. And worse. And worse. Until I was in the closed garage and unable to lift the pizza to go inside. I gripped the seat of my truck with all I had and gasped and pleaded for the pain to stop. Stop. Please make it stop! Oh God, STOP!!!!!
|I finally grabbed the pizza box, made it inside, and told my husband I needed to go lay down. Please don't worry, honey. I just need a minute. And I retreated to our bedroom to lay down and gasp and writhe in pain for the next thirty minutes.
Then like a switch, it was done. One second I was making deals with God to heal me, and the next... it was gone. Like nothing had happened.
I came out of the bedroom to see my slightly panicked husband sitting with a cold pizza, wondering what the hell had just happened.
In the four months since then, I've experienced appx 8 more attacks like that one. By February, I had figured out what was happening.
Gallstones.
My gallbladder was in trouble. My diet, my hormonal BS, my whatever had caused gallstones. And they were making me fucking miserable.
Let me explain a gallbladder attack. It's like somebody fed you acid, and now the acid was sitting in your stomach, eating away at your insides. It reaches into your back, making you feel like your spine is being eaten away. The pain is so huge, you can no longer lay down, so you try to get up. Then realize that moving is like all the pieces of your ribcage are being taken apart, one by one. Breathing is painful, so excruciatingly painful, but necessary. And if you inhale too deeply, the burn deepens. But if you don't breath deeply enough, the burn deepens. This fire under your ribcage, on the right side, that seems to be trying to reach out it's greedy, fiery fingers to grasp and burn the rest of your insides... While the person who loves you most lays next to you, helpless to do anything to ease your pain... And if they shift even slightly, that movement is going to wreak havoc on what is going on inside you. My attacks are so painful that when I attempt to distract myself in the dark by grabbing my phone and reading or playing a game, its like that aggrivates it and makes it worse... I can't do ANYTHING except lay flat and still and concentrate on my breathing and hope that relief comes soon...
That is what my attacks are like.
So I Googled. And I asked questions. And I researched and I Googled some more. And I realized that the only 'cure' for my condition was surgery. The removal of my gallbladder. It's giving you problems? No problem, we'll just cut it out of you. You don't really even need it.
Um... Well. Hmmmm.... Given my deep, deep fear of doctors and going under the knife, I think no? But thanks...
I decided to see if I could control it. Maybe, just maybe... Maybe I don't need to have surgery. Maybe I don't need a doctor to intervene. I've read that the drugs they try to 'dissolve' your stones take at least two years to work, and if they work.. well, the stones will come back anyways.
Early March, 2015. My hubby and I go on vacation. Four days away, and I'm nervous because this trip usually consists of us sustaining ourselves on gas station food and an otherwise irresponsible diet. But we manage to hold it together. We control it. And with my husbands help, I go for an entire month without an attack.
April 2015. For some reason, I have like three attacks in April. I think I can pin point the reasons why, being careless and eating the bar nachos, but I'm never quite sure. And during these attacks, I question everything I consumed for the past 24 hours. What set it off? Why?
As I type this, it's May 24th, 2015. I haven't had an attack since April 17th. That's five weeks without an attack. Is it because I am controlling it? My new strict diet has lost me a significant amount of weight, which is fine, I have enough to lose. Maybe it's good for me...
My last attack, I remember in detail. I woke up in the middle of the night. That feeling... Once you've had a few attacks, you know it's coming. It's almost cruel in that, at least for me, they give me about thirty minutes to get my affairs in order. A heads up that it's coming... That undeniable feeling in your stomach that says the next couple of hours is really going to suck, so hurry up and get comfortable.
I recently discovered apple cider vinegar. Google will tell you if you read enough. It's a common denominator in gallstone stories. Now, when I feel an attack coming on, I chug a half cup of apple juice mixed with a half cup or so of apple cider vinegar (with 'the mother') and while it doesn't stop the attack, I would swear it either cuts it short or eases the pain to barely tolerable. If it doesn't stop within thirty minutes, I chug the shot again.
My last attack was the most memorable. Because it was shorter than the last few, and when it was over... It was the switch again. I was fighting it, and then suddenly.. It was over. As though nothing had even happened.
It's not a cure. I haven't cured myself of this awful thing. But after five weeks without an attack and a relatively painless adjustment to the way I eat, I am doing alright. No attacks. I no longer eat fast food. I no longer drink soda or energy drinks. I drink A LOT of water. I am very finicky in what I eat these days, avoiding most fattening and obvious choices. I read the labels on everything I buy. The other day, I had a weak moment (PMS) and ate a cookies n cream Hershey bar. And it was okay. I probably have to say goodbye to my beloved Casey's pizza forever... But it's okay. Because the alternative is excruciating. And if I opted to have surgery, more research has told me that I could still have attacks even without my damn gallbladder!
I am not a doctor. I know nothing about how this shit works and if you are suffering from similar things, you probably need to see a doctor to get it sorted out. But I have read dozens of stories online about these attacks, and I think some folks can control it. I am doing the things that I have read online, from people who said no to their docs and took their health into their own hands. And for at least five weeks, it's been working for me. It may not work for you, but I think it's important that you know that you are not alone in this.
Gallstones can kill you. But losing your gallbladder can cause more problems than it solves. Some people live normal, happy lives after surgery. Some are worse. I don't intend to find out how surgery affects me, because I don't feel like losing my organ.
I hope this inspires or gives hope to other people in my situation. I'd love to hear from you if you are experiencing the same thing. What works for you? What sets your attacks off?
Peace and Love,
Emily
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