Not Even Comparible

The weather here has finally turned to gorgeous. Spring appears to have booted Winter out for good. I sat outside with my dogs for a bit last night, pondering my life as it is now. And I came to the conclusion that it's not even comparible to my life as it was 6 years ago. The present is perfect. The past, at least the part 6 years ago, sucked.
I met Red a little more than 5 years ago now. And there have been struggles of course. But those struggles had to build in order to get me to this exact point in my life. I believe that now, it was hard to believe it then.
My dogs instill in me every day, more and more, that I need to live in the now. I need to let go of the past. I need to stop worrying about the future. I can't change the past. And I can't predict the future. All I can control is the now. The present. And the more I lean towards doing the that, the happier my life seems to be.
I'm in the right place now. Red and I both have always loved that song by Rascal Flatts, The Broken Road. We both travelled a very broken road, relationship-wise, to get to where we are now. We apply that song to our life together, because it's very true. I can string everything back from then to now. The reasons I dated certain people, the reasons we broke up. And if any little detail had been changed along the way, there's a very good chance that Red's and my paths may never have crossed.
I'm going to break the rule and travel back mentally to 6 years ago. I don't regret any of it now, as I have before. Some of it still wrenches my heart when I think about it. But that's when I am able to pull myself back to the now, and all is right again.
6 years ago...After I graduated and left home. I had a crappy job. I hated that job. I was forced to work odd hours so that 'eyes could be kept on me' at all times. And not by management. But by the man I was with. I didn't have a phone, nor was I allowed a phone. Animals were completely out of the question. We had a cat. But that cat was tortured (not by me!) and soon 'gotten rid of'. (But dont worry, she lives a safe, happy life with good people now) Many of you who know me soley through Musings don't yet know how much a part of my life horses were. I was forced to sell my beloved gelding, almost before he was fully mine. If I said the wrong thing, I would be given the silent treatment for days and days strait. I was not allowed to drive, unless I was going somewhere on my own. Friends? I had none. And any I did make would soon be driven off.
Back to the present. I have a job that I love, with coworkers that I adore, and hours that are normal. Nobody is watching me or keeping tabs on me. I am trusted and loved. I have a cell phone. Of my very own. I am blessed with 2 dogs and a cat. All of which Red didn't exactly sign up for, but accepted out of love for me. He even cares for them and helps me when I need it. Oh, and none of our animals are tortured. Ever. I am free to enter the horseworld whenever I please. If I say the wrong thing, Red grins at me and laughs, rather than giving me the silent treatment. Words don't lead to a fight here in this world of mine. We simply don't fight. I've never had any relationship where I am so much on the same page with someone else that we can live our lives in such perfect tandem. It's quite incredible. We ownj 3 vehicles, and I'm allowed to drive any one of them, anytime I please.
Yeah... The two lives don't even compare. My previous life is like a distant dream now. Its like it never even happened.
I am so happy, I wake up in the morning grinning and gushing because I am so excited to start the day. I am finally on a goodweight loss path. With noticable results. I feel amazing. My dogs are well behaved. My cat is not.
Oh, did I mention that I now have friends? I have so many people who care for me and watch out for me. Even people that I dont know that well, they ask when I haven't been around in a while, wondering how life has been. Letting me know that they have been thinking of me.
I am a part of one of the greatest groups EVER. Mind if I gush about my disc dog group for a sec? To be wholey accepted into a group of people like this, who are so pure and friendly and supportive... Doesn't that mean that they accept me as a likeminded person? That they consider me pure and friendly and supportive as well? Do you know what that feels like? To come to love a group of people you've only known for 6 months says something about that group of people.
I am on the right path now. I suppose I have been on this path all of my life. But this part of the journey is so in sync, so smooth, so thrilling. I know there are boulders and sharp curves and bumps down the road. But I don't have to worry about the future. I can't predict it or change it's course. Nor do I think I want to.
I've taken a page from my dog's books. Both of them were strays. At least one of them was abused in some way. I won't ever know their full stories. But I can clearly read them today, and I can see that while they havent't forgotten their pasts, they aren't living in those pasts. They are living in the now. They are loved and healthy and happy now, and that's all they are concerned with. Their lonely lives before me? Not even comparible to the life they live now.
Live today, right now. And see how it changes your life.