I'm an idiot

Yeah, I can be an idiot. And I have been for nearly the entire duration of this particular matter at hand, which extends back for more than half of my life. I am not going to go into it really. It's a really long story. It's an interesting story, but it's long. And maybe I'll get around to telling it eventually. It effects my life pretty strongly, so I really should share it here. But now is not the time.
Last night I spoke to somebody who means very much to me. I have not heard his voice in many years, nor have I seen his face in even more years.
For some very interesting but unknown reasons, whenever we speak I revert back to a very young version of myself. It's weird. I met him when I was like 13yo, which could be why. I learned a lot from him. We worked together, we drove around a lot together, we talked a lot. He is one of the people who got me through my high school years. Eventually we.. 'saw' each other kind of casually. But mostly he was just a good, close friend who I could always count on.
He 'text messaged' me last night. It wasnt random, there was a purpose for his contact. I have not talked to him in so long. I ended up having to call him, as text messaging is just... There was too much to say to text it. I nearly had to swig a beer just to chill out. But I didnt. I nearly hyperventalated everytime I was about to hit the 'talk' button on my cell. But I didnt. And when he answered the phone in that sweet, friendly, familiar voice that I loved so much... I was shocked to learn that I no longer became a stupid, brainless girl.
That was the only part that made me happy though. Mostly I was just sad. Sad because I had squashed his many attempts for real friendship in the past years.
Our conversation, though it only lasted 5 minutes, was pleasant. We'll never be the friends that we could have been. It's too late for that. I'm sad that I pushed such a good person from my life for very stupid, worthless reasons.
I've been an idiot. For that I'm very sorry.

Wow, I'm really hitting hard on the lack of humor these days, right? Gosh... gotta think of something funny to say.

Knock knock...