~60 Above ~ New Jerseyites try to turn on the heat ------ People in Minnesota plant gardens
~50 Above ~ Californians shiver uncontrollably ------ People in Minnesota sunbathe
~40 Above ~ Italian and English cars won't start ------ People in Minnesota drive with the windows down
~32 Above ~ Distilled water freezes ------ Lake Mille Lacs water gets thicker
~20 Above ~ Floridians don coats, thermal underwear, gloves and woolly hats ------ People in Minnesota throw on a flannel shirt
~15 Above ~ Philadelphia landlords finally turn up the heat ------ People in Minnesota have the last cookout before it gets too cold
~Zero ~ People in Miami all die ------ Minnesotans lick the flagpole
~20 Below ~ Iowans fly away to Mexico ------ People in MN get out their winter coats
~40 Below ~ Hollywood disintegrates ------ The Girl Scouts in MN are selling cookies door to door
~60 Below ~ Polar bears begin to evacuate the Arctic ------ MN Boy Scouts postpone "Winter Survival" classes until it gets cold enough
~80 Below ~ Mt. St. Helen's freezes ------ People in MN rent some videos
~100 Below ~ Santa Claus abandons the North Pole ------ Minnesotans get frustrated because they can't thaw the keg
~297 Below ~ Microbial life no longer survives on dairy products ------ Cows in MN complain about farmers with cold hands
~460 Below ~ All atomic motion stops (absolute zero on the Kelvin Scale) ------ People in MN start saying "cold nuff for ya?"
~500 Below ~ Hell freezes over ------ The Minnesota Vikings win the Super Bowl
Heehee... Sorry Vikes. I love ya. But c'mon already!
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